You canNOT be serious.

You'll need a little bit of background to appreciate this one.

Paul has a lot of relatives. (Well, so do I, but that's not what we're talking about right now.) Most of them live pretty close to us, but there is a contingent in Indiana, and a few in other states. A couple of years ago, around Christmas, we got a call from a second cousin living in a nearby state. She didn't seem to want anything in particular, or have anything particular to say, but whatever. Paul chatted with her awhile and she seemed happy. It must be said that she is slightly loopy and more than slightly nosy, but Paul is a patient man.

About a week ago, we got a call from her again, at just after 7:00 in the morning. A bit early, but we figured it was our every-couple-years Christmas call. I can stand lots of things if they only happen every couple of years. Unfortunately, Kooky Cousin (hereafter known as KC) was a bit behind on family stuff and asked how our beautiful little boy was doing. Paul explained that we had lost him when he was two months old, very sad, thank you for your sympathy.

"WELL," said KC, in the way of well-meaning but buttinsky people everywhere, "you should adopt from China. There are two couples at my church that have adopted from China, and it has just been wonderful." I'm sure there was more, but I was spared the play-by-play. Paul did the Nod and Smile Routine, in which you pacify someone but pay no attention to their advice. After all, while KC is related to Paul, she doesn't really know us and is at least a year out of date. He didn't feel like sharing personal plans for our family with her. We talked about the phone call and forgot about it.

Okay, now you're caught up. I hope that wasn't too painful.

This morning, the phone rang at 6:42. In the morning. (I said that already, but I thought it needed repeating.) I would only call someone at that hour if a) I knew for a certainty they were up and I had something important to tell them that could not wait, or b) there was a flat-out it's-time-to-panic-now emergency. Since anyone who has ever been slightly acquainted with me knows that I do not rise cheerfully from my bed, I assumed that someone had died or was in the process of it. Having recently received a phone call from the EMS regarding my mother (she's fine) and also having an uncle who we recently found out is quite ill, I was even a bit more attentive than usual to the possible emergency issue.

You see where this is going, but I, in my sleep-induced numbness, did not.

"H'lo?" I mumbled, thanking goodness and Paul (who put it there) that the phone is right by the bed.

"Yes, is Paul there?" Well, yes, but he's in the bathroom. I might tell you this if I know who you are, but you've not identified yourself. And you do not have an Emergency Tone, so why are you bugging me?

"He's not available," I said, with more politeness than I felt. "May I take a message?"

"Oh, this is just his cousin Kooky from Nearby State! I called to see if you'd taken my advice about adopting from China."

...

I just wanted to let that sink in for a little bit. A crazy woman called me at quarter to seven this morning to ask if we had decided to adopt from China.

AND THEN she asked me my name.

I am not making this up.

...

Anyway, after I said something along the lines of, "Well, we didn't really do anything major in this last, y'know, week and a half," I heard Paul coming out of the bathroom, and I passed the phone over to the person who was guilty of being related to the kook on the other end.

KC, perhaps rethinking her original strategy, didn't mention China to Paul, but instead grilled him about the possible worth of her current vehicle, which is a '92 Something Junky with only a few rust spots. She got it from a former missionary to Mexico. I'm unsure how this affects the value of the vehicle, but she felt it was important. After being told six different ways how extremely difficult it is to evaluate a car you've never seen and have only the barest details about, she signed off.

I heard Paul hang up the phone in the kitchen and then say, "I wonder if she's been drinking?"

While this latest episode has been quite entertaining for both of us, I am hoping that it will not become a regular occurrence in our household.

So. If you have to call me early in the morning for some reason, and I am not by the phone with caller ID, I hope that you will understand if I let you go to the machine and identify yourself before picking up.