You canNOT be serious.

You'll need a little bit of background to appreciate this one.

Paul has a lot of relatives. (Well, so do I, but that's not what we're talking about right now.) Most of them live pretty close to us, but there is a contingent in Indiana, and a few in other states. A couple of years ago, around Christmas, we got a call from a second cousin living in a nearby state. She didn't seem to want anything in particular, or have anything particular to say, but whatever. Paul chatted with her awhile and she seemed happy. It must be said that she is slightly loopy and more than slightly nosy, but Paul is a patient man.

About a week ago, we got a call from her again, at just after 7:00 in the morning. A bit early, but we figured it was our every-couple-years Christmas call. I can stand lots of things if they only happen every couple of years. Unfortunately, Kooky Cousin (hereafter known as KC) was a bit behind on family stuff and asked how our beautiful little boy was doing. Paul explained that we had lost him when he was two months old, very sad, thank you for your sympathy.

"WELL," said KC, in the way of well-meaning but buttinsky people everywhere, "you should adopt from China. There are two couples at my church that have adopted from China, and it has just been wonderful." I'm sure there was more, but I was spared the play-by-play. Paul did the Nod and Smile Routine, in which you pacify someone but pay no attention to their advice. After all, while KC is related to Paul, she doesn't really know us and is at least a year out of date. He didn't feel like sharing personal plans for our family with her. We talked about the phone call and forgot about it.

Okay, now you're caught up. I hope that wasn't too painful.

This morning, the phone rang at 6:42. In the morning. (I said that already, but I thought it needed repeating.) I would only call someone at that hour if a) I knew for a certainty they were up and I had something important to tell them that could not wait, or b) there was a flat-out it's-time-to-panic-now emergency. Since anyone who has ever been slightly acquainted with me knows that I do not rise cheerfully from my bed, I assumed that someone had died or was in the process of it. Having recently received a phone call from the EMS regarding my mother (she's fine) and also having an uncle who we recently found out is quite ill, I was even a bit more attentive than usual to the possible emergency issue.

You see where this is going, but I, in my sleep-induced numbness, did not.

"H'lo?" I mumbled, thanking goodness and Paul (who put it there) that the phone is right by the bed.

"Yes, is Paul there?" Well, yes, but he's in the bathroom. I might tell you this if I know who you are, but you've not identified yourself. And you do not have an Emergency Tone, so why are you bugging me?

"He's not available," I said, with more politeness than I felt. "May I take a message?"

"Oh, this is just his cousin Kooky from Nearby State! I called to see if you'd taken my advice about adopting from China."

...

I just wanted to let that sink in for a little bit. A crazy woman called me at quarter to seven this morning to ask if we had decided to adopt from China.

AND THEN she asked me my name.

I am not making this up.

...

Anyway, after I said something along the lines of, "Well, we didn't really do anything major in this last, y'know, week and a half," I heard Paul coming out of the bathroom, and I passed the phone over to the person who was guilty of being related to the kook on the other end.

KC, perhaps rethinking her original strategy, didn't mention China to Paul, but instead grilled him about the possible worth of her current vehicle, which is a '92 Something Junky with only a few rust spots. She got it from a former missionary to Mexico. I'm unsure how this affects the value of the vehicle, but she felt it was important. After being told six different ways how extremely difficult it is to evaluate a car you've never seen and have only the barest details about, she signed off.

I heard Paul hang up the phone in the kitchen and then say, "I wonder if she's been drinking?"

While this latest episode has been quite entertaining for both of us, I am hoping that it will not become a regular occurrence in our household.

So. If you have to call me early in the morning for some reason, and I am not by the phone with caller ID, I hope that you will understand if I let you go to the machine and identify yourself before picking up.

Oh, presents!

My brother and his family stayed with us for the last few days, and we had our family's Christmas celebration on Saturday the 29th. I had so much fun with my sister-in-law and my niece, who have also recently picked up knitting (my sister-in-law was a knitter when young, but hasn't done anything with it for awhile). They are now calling me The Enabler. I think it's because I went to yarn shops and patted skeins with them. And I had fun with my brother, too, and my nephew, but they did not knit. I think my nephew would, but he's two, and his favorite thing to do with yarn is grab and run.

Anyway, I so much enjoyed giving away the few Christmas handknits that I had this year. I would like to do more next year, but I know myself. I will need to start in February if I want to do it without having a nervous breakdown. Here are the things that I did this year:



I tried to tailor things to the recipients in nice ways. The legwarmers were for my sister. They are super soft and machine wash and dryable, because she is Anti-Handwash.
The multicolored scarf was for my sister-in-law (the one that was staying with us), and was just a couple of Noro Kureyon skeins done up in seed stitch. Nice and warm, because she sometimes rides her bike in the city in the wintertime.

The orange scarf, which translates least well to photography, is a simple garter stitch with a ruffle on each end. The yarn is all cotton from Maggi Knits, and it's so bumpy and fun; it makes a wonderful texture and looks like much more work than it was. I am hoping that it will complement my sister-in-law's favorite color.

I need to learn to photograph my projects better, because I don't think any of them look as yummy in the pictures as they do in real life.

Right now, in the washing machine, I am felting a Bracelet Bag from Crazy Aunt Purl, which I whipped out this morning while I was staying home from church because I felt pretty queasy. Really, I was not well enough to go, but sitting very still except for my wrists seemed okay.

I need to make some progress on the in-midstream projects, because I have so many Grand Ideas for new projects. And I need to figure out my travel knits for when I go a-visiting to Canada next weekend. And what to take to help my 19-year old niece, who is going along, with her very first knitting stitches! (I'm so proud.)

I'm feeling a little sick again. I think it's my body's way of punishing me for all the evil foods I ate during the past week. Ugh. Saltines and 7-Up, here I come!

Silent Night

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even to go to a party. And boy, were they happy. Yes, even though we are invited to something, we are staying in this evening. I am so thrilled. I even had baklava all baked and ready to go, but when Paul said, "Hey, let's skip it tonight," my response was very little hey-I-got-ready-for-this and almost completely oh-are-you-serious-I-love-you-for-saying-that. So I am in my jammy bottoms and a t-shirt and I am planning to start knitting myself a new lacy shawl with some silk yarn that has been calling to me. He's outside playing with the cows (actually, I think he said he was moving hay so they'd have something to eat), but he should be in soon. We can sit by the fire and not do anything that we don't deem worthy of the effort required to rise from the couch. Pure heaven.

I wish for all of you a Christmas Eve so exactly suited to your desires. Merry Christmas!