Three Little Words

Not the ones anybody wants to hear, though.

I have cancer.

More specifically, I have a papillary tumor on my thyroid. (If you want to, you can find out more about that here.) It's very treatable, it's been diagnosed early, and I'm seeing a surgeon in only a week to discuss the course of treatment. The prognosis is excellent, and there is a lot to be thankful for.

But ...

I. Have. Cancer.

I don't think I've really wrapped my mind around it yet.

Hodgepodge

My birthday was a week ago. I saw my friend Jen yesterday for lunch, and she asked me how it was. My answer made her laugh out loud. Apparently I'm the first person of whom she's asked that question who said, "Honestly, it was pretty awful."

I started it off with a full-on argument with a nurse over the phone. I know that there are many medical professionals out there who are incredible, sensitive people. I am in fact related to several and friends with some others. This lady is not one of them. Then my darling took me away for the night to try and get my mind off everything that we have going on. Unfortunately, I was pretty sick and ended up with my breakfast in the sink. Bleah. On the way home, Paul asked what I'd like to do for Valentine's Day. I asked if we could just take a pass on the whole thing this year. He was agreeable. Even after my fever abated, I didn't regret the request. Saint Who?

In happier news, I'm working on a little cable-licious swatch, which is a sort of a prerequisite to a project we're going to start in the Wednesday knit group. Some of us in the group are going to be working on squares for Great American Aran Afghan. It's my most ambitious cast-on so far, and I'm a little skeered. But I think I'll learn a lot by attempting it, which is really my goal.

And the Girl Scout cookies have arrived. I will be eating all of them. Today. Seriously, what do they put in there?

Whatever

We had dinner with friends tonight, and had a lovely time. We hadn't had a chance to catch up with them for quite a long time, and it was good to do so. The chili was excellent, and I got the recipe for the cornbread. (No wonder it was good. The amount of butter in it would give a cardiologist hives. And then we added more on the outside. Mmmmmm.) Paul got to sample their hot sauce collection, too, which made him happy. I don't understand the drive to burn your tongue off as recreation, but whatever.

Speaking of whatever, I was just talking to my brother about that word. It's so useful. Think of all the things it can mean:

- I think torturing your tastebuds for fun is silly, but it's no skin off my nose.

- I don't care -- you pick.

- No, I don't know why he has a safety pin in his eyebrow. I wouldn't do it, but I'm sure he has a reason.

- I'm too tired to make a decision.

- I'm not sure why you just bit my head off, but I'm going to forget about it instead of either escalating or holding a grudge.

- Yes, that was the ugliest couch I've ever seen, but I don't have to live with your mother (or sister, or business partner), so I don't care.

- That's really messed up. But you're a big girl, and I can't fix you, and I can't tell you what to do. Look at me not having an ulcer about it.

Saying "whatever" doesn't mean not caring, but it means letting go of the illusion of control. It means cutting other people a little slack, and not forcing my opinions on them. It doesn't mean having no standards, but it means not expecting perfection from other people. Or from myself, which can be harder.

I think some people probably perceive it as rude.

Hey, whatever.

And for the record, my mother-in-law's couch is lovely.

P.S. I have completed a whole sock. I was so excited that I lost my head for a moment and made Paul admire it much longer than his initial interest warranted. He made all the right noises, though. What a guy. Here's a picture: